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Everyone Needs A Friend Written By Sherry Brandon (Setting is a break room in a company. One person stands on one side of stage apparently reading a bulletin board and taking notes. Two guys on other side of stage are talking. Cast includes Cliff, Stan, Lori, Ms. Beecham, and Casey who can be either male or female.) CLIFF: So then the priest said back to the rabbi, ‘I dunno, but I think there’s gonna be trouble!’ (laughs hysterically and elbows Stan so hard he clutches his side while chuckling out of politeness only) STAN: (now choking on the bite of the apple he’d just taken after Cliff jabbed him in the side with his elbow) Yeah, that’s funny, Cliff. (not really meaning it) CLIFF: So, did you meet the new boss yet…er I mean new (sarcastically) ‘executive team manager’? STAN: No, did she start today? I thought that was gonna be next week? CLIFF: Nope. She’s here today. STAN: Man, I’d better get all the MP3’s off my PC, then. CLIFF: Yeah, you probably should. She claims she’s gonna take the “I’m your friend” approach, but you’re better off safe than sorry. She looks like a ‘tyrant’ to me…red suit, hair updo…the works. STAN: Oh, I saw her! I didn’t get that impression just by looking at her, myself. But she must be pretty bad if you can tell all that from just meeting her this morning. So much for her being our ‘friend’, huh? CLIFF: Ah! You know ALL bosses say that. (Ms. Beecham, the boss enters the break room unnoticed by Cliff as he continues. Stan sees her and thinks nothing of it, then does a double take over Cliff’s shoulder at her. He tries to silently cut Cliff off but he’s oblivious) They say they wanna be your ‘friend’. Next thing ya know, they’re taking credit for your work or they’re denying you the vacation you asked for, or they want you to work overtime without paying you for it…like you should do it as a “favor” for the company… MS. BEECHAM: Good morning, gentleman. (approaching friendly, not catching what Cliff was saying) CLIFF: (jumping) Oh, Ms. Beecham! Nice to see you again. (smiles nervously then looks at Stan) Have you met Stan Carter? MS. BEECHAM: No. (shakes his hand) Nice to meet you. STAN: Glad to have you aboard, Ms. Beecham. MS. BEECHAM: Please, call me Ellen. We’re all on the same team, here. I’d like us to be friends as well as coworkers. You taking your lunch break? Maybe I could join you? (holds up her insulated lunch bag) CLIFF: (cuts in just as Stan was about to accept) Gosh, I’m sorry Ms. Beecham ,but we made plans to meet some, um, associates for lunch down the road. (looks at his watch) In fact, we’d better get going, Stan. (Stan looks at him funny as Cliff grabs his arm) It was nice to see you again Ms. Beecham .(as he drags Stan out of the break room he gives him a dirty look) Why didn’t you tell me she was there! You just stood there and let me ramble on! STAN: Well gee Cliff, you’re so good at it! (They both exit offstage. Ms. Beecham spots Lori across room writing notes from bulletin board and approaches her smiling.) MS. BEECHAM: Hi Lori! LORI: (startled to see Ms. Beecham, she is nervous and stutters) Oh! H-hi, Ms. Beecham. MS. BEECHAM: Please, call me Ellen, remember? LORI: Oh yes, I’m sorry Ms. Beecham ….er, Ellen. H-how is everything going on your first day here? MS. BEECHAM: Great! Thanks for asking! I was just about to sit down to lunch. Care to join me? LORI: (again stuttering) Oh, well, actually I was going to eat at my desk today. I-I have to leave early for a doctor’s appointment. (starting quickly) I really have to see the doctor! See, I have this thing on my foot and…(raises her foot and is about to explain her ailment when Ms. Beecham chuckles and waves her to stop) MS. BEECHAM: It’s OK Lori, I believe you. You don’t have to try and justify anything. If you need to leave early, that’s fine. I’d like to be your friend, OK? LORI: OK. Well, I should get back to work now, Ms. Beecham. MS. BEECHAM: (after Lori is already out of earshot, she says softly) Ellen. (She then sees Casey enter and approach the Coke machine. He/she puts a dollar in and hits a button, but nothing comes out. He/she starts beating the machine with his/her Tupperware.) CASEY: Come on! Gimme my Coke! Stupid machine! What’s wrong with you? MS. BEECHAM: (approaches Casey again smiling) Casey, that selection… CASEY: (startled by her presence, Casey interrupts Ms. Beecham by nervously trying to explain his/her beating the machine with the Tupperware container) Oh! Ms. Beecham! I didn’t mean to hurt it, I mean I wasn’t hurting it! See, this thing is real soft! (bangs container against head, then casually rubs it) Ow. MS. BEECHAM: No, it’s not that. It’s your selection. (points to machine) It’s sold out. See the red light? You’ll just have to choose something else. That’s all. CASEY: (dumbfounded for a second) Oh…(covering) Yeah, I knew that. MS. BEECHAM: You about to eat lunch? (pointing to Casey’s Tupperware) Me too. CASEY: Oh…uh (thinking) well, no…actually. I mean, it…uh, went bad. (waving the Tupperware) Can’t eat it. So I thought I’d just run to McDonald’s or something, you know? Well, I’d better go so I can get back in time and not be late. Bye, Ms. Beecham! MS. BEECHAM: (trying to catch him as he ran off) Ellen! (turns and sighs then looks at her lunch bag) Well, I’m not that hungry, anyway. (exits break room) (back to the scripts page)