(Mel or Melissa and God as a “voiceover”)
MEL: Our Father who art in Heaven…
MEL: Don’t interrupt me. I’m praying…
GOD: But you called me.
MEL: Called you? I didn’t call you. I’m praying. Our Father who art in Heaven.
GOD: There, you did it again.
MEL: Did what?
GOD: Called me. You said “Our Father who art in Heaven”. Here I am. What’s on your mind?
MEL: But I didn’t mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord’s Prayer. It makes me feel good.
GOD: All right. Go on
MEL: Hallowed be thy name.
GOD: Hold it. What do you mean by that?
MEL: By what?
GOD: By “Hallowed be thy name”?
MEL: It means ….. it means …. Oh good grief, I don’t know what it means. How should I know” It’s just a part of the prayer. By the way, what does it mean?
GOD: It means “honored, holy, wonderful.”
MEL: Hey, that makes sense. I never thought about what “Hallowed” meant before. Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done in earth as it is in Heaven.
GOD: Do you really mean that?
MEL: Sure, why not?
GOD: What are you going to do about it?
MEL: Do? Nothing, I guess. I just think it would be neat if you controlled everything down here like you do in Heaven.
GOD: Have I got control of you?
MEL: Well, I go to church.
GOD: That isn’t what I asked you. What about those bad habit you have? And your bad temper? You’ve really got a problem there, you know.
MEL: Stop picking on me! I’m just as good as some of the rest of those phonies at the church.
GOD: Excuse me… I thought you were praying for My will to be done. If that is going to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are praying for it… Like you, for example.
MEL: Oh, al right! I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that you mention it, I could probably name some others.
GOD: So could I.
MEL: I haven’t thought about it until now, but I really would like to cut out some of those things.
GOD: Good, now we’re getting somewhere. We’ll work together.. you and Me. Now some victories can truly be won. I’m proud of you.
MEL: Look Lord, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does… Give us this day our daily bread.
GOD: Bread is fine, but cut back on the triple Decker pizzas. Remember my temple…
MEL: Hey, wait a minute! What is this, “Criticize Mel Day? Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of a sudden you break in and remind me of all my hang-ups.
GOD: Praying is a dangerous thing. You could wind up changed you know. That’s what I’m trying to get across to you. You called Me and here I am. Keep on praying. I’m interested in the next part of your prayer. (pause) Well, go on.
MEL: I’m scared to.
GOD: Scared? Of what? I know what you’ll say. Try me and see.
MEL: Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.
GOD: What about Joe?
MEL: See, I knew it! I knew you would bring him up! I swear I’ll get even with him!
GOD: But your prayer… what about your prayer?
MEL: Well, I guess I didn’t mean that prayer.
GOD: Well, at least you’re honest. But it’s not much fun carrying the load of bitterness around inside, is it?
MEL: No, but I’ll feel better as soon as I get even.
GOD: You won’t feel any better. You’ll feel worse. Revenge isn’t sweet. Thing of how unhappy you are already. But I can change all of that.
MEL: You can? How?
GOD: Forgive Joe, then I’ll forgive you. Then the hate and sin will be Joe’s problem and not yours.
MEL: But Lord, I can’t forgive Joe.
GOD: Then I can’t forgive you.
MEL: Oh, you’re right! You always are. And more than I want revenge on Joe, I want to be right with You… All right! I forgive him.
GOD: There now! How do you feel?
MEL: Hmmm…. Not bad, not bad at all! In fact, I feel pretty great!
GOD: You’re not through with your prayer. Go on.
MEL: Oh, alright …. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
GOD: Good… good. I’ll do just that. But don’t put yourself in a place where you can be tempted.
MEL: What do you mean by that?
GOD: Quit hanging around the wrong places, watching inappropriate movies and TV, and listening to sinful conversations. Change some of your friends. Some of those so-called friends are dragging you down. Don’t be fooled. Don’t use Me for an escape hatch.
MEL: I don’t understand.
GOD: Oh sure your do, you’ve done it … lots of times. You get caught in a bad situation, and then you come running to Me. “Lord help me out of this mess and I promise you I’ll never do it again.” You remember some of those bargains you tried to make with Me?
MEL: Yes, and I’m ashamed lord. I really am.
GOD: Which bargains are you remembering?
MEL: Well, the guy next door saw me leaving the neighborhood bar and I had told my Wife that I was going to the store. I remember telling you, “Lord don’t let hem tell her where I’ve been….
BOTH: I promise I’ll be in church every Sunday.”
GOD: He didn’t tell your wife, but you didn’t keep your promise did you?
MEL: I’m sorry Lord, Up until now I thought if I just prayed the Lord’s prayer everyday, then I could do what I liked.
GOD: Go ahead. Finish your prayer
MEL: Oh yes… (quicker) For Thine is the Kingdom and the power, and the glory forever and ever. Amen.
GOD: Do you know what would bring Me glory? What would make Me really happy?
MEL: No, but I’d like to know. I can see what a mess I’ve made out of my life, and I can see how great it would be to be a true Christian.
GOD: You just answered the question.
MEL: I did?
GOD: Yes. The one thing that would bring Me glory is to have people like you truly love Me. And I can see that happening now that some of these old sins are out of the way. There’s no telling what we can do together.
MEL: Lord, let’s see what we can make of me, OK?
GOD: Yes, Let’s see.
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