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The Nativity
Adapted from Drama Mission Site

Cast: JOSEPH, MARY, SHEPHERD, WISE MAN

[Mary and Joseph and shepherd enter. Mary is carrying a baby basket and the shepherd is carrying what is supposed to be a sheep Players hit their clothing to remove dust (e.g. Baby powder).]

SHEPHERD: It must be Christmas again.

JOSEPH: Let's just be grateful we're out of that box.

MARY: We could all do with a good vacuuming.

SHEPHERD: Don't even joke about that, I've lost three sheep that way.

[Enter wise man with plastic wrap around his arm. He keeps looking up at someone and looks like he's being pushed into position.]

WISE MAN: Alright, quit shoving, quit shoving! You got an injured man here! I don't believe this.

JOSEPH: What's wrong with you?

WISE MAN: They broke me! [lifts arm in demonstration]

SHEPHERD: Not again.

WISE MAN: Well, at least I made it. The other two wise men ended up as dog chew toys.

JOSEPH: OK listen guys, this nativity set may not be as complete as when it was new, and a few of us have been dropped or stepped on or vacuumed up over the years. But we all have to make certain sacrifices in the name of Christmas, regardless of what oversights and minor inadequacies the humans might subject us to.

SHEPHERD: [livid] Minor inadequacies! Take a look at this! [Lifts up a wad of cotton wool with pipe-cleaner legs.] Does this look like a sheep to anyone else? Because I've only been a shepherd for 18 years, so of course I can't tell a sheep from a piece of cotton wool glued to a couple of pipe-cleaners!

MARY: OH! Heads up.

[All characters watch into space as an imaginary arm brings a camel.]

SHEPHERD: What kind of animal is that and what happened to the camel?

WISE MAN: I think thatís the replacement for the camel. Its head was next to my arm in the box.

JOSEPH: What did it just say? Pikachu??

MARY: At least there's no legoís this year, although I'm surprised Ken and Barbie couldn't make it.

JOSEPH: [Pointing] Speaking of weird ornaments, what do you make of him?

[Everyone starts laughing]

SHEPHERD: Oh yeah, I can occasion for a three hundred pound guy in a red fur coat to be scooting around the Judean dessert in a chariot with no wheels. THAT's gonna happen.

MARY: (Reading) Rudolf the red nosed reindeer? What's a reindeer?

SHEPHERD: [pointing to camel] Maybe itís Pikachu over there.

MARY: You know, I hardly even recognise Christmas anymore. I donít know why the humans even bother to put us out every year. They are too busy bustling around with their gifts and shopping to even take notice that we are here.

OTHERS: Yeah.

[Silent pause]

WISE MAN: We three kings of orient are Ö [continues singing]

SHEPHERD: While shepherds watch their flocks by night Ö [continues]

MARY: Maryís boy child Jesus Christ, was born on Christmas Ö {looks at manger] Ahhh!

OTHERS: What?

MARY: [Pointing] Ahhh!

[Others see and gasp]

JOSEPH: No way! They FORGOT JESUS!

WISE MAN: Oh this is intolerable!

SHEPHERD: I won't stand for it! You can't celebrate Christmas without Jesus!

JOSEPH: That's it! I've been fed to hamsters; I spent six months behind the stereo cabinet; and two years ago they dressed me up in a tutu; but this time they've gone too far! No Jesus, no Christmas! Everyone back in the box!

SHEPHERD: Alright sheep ya! Move 'em outta there. [Herds sheep off stage] You too camel. Yeah, well Pikachu you too! [exit]

MARY: [Grabs manger] I've never been outraged in my life! Imagine people celebrating Christmas and forgetting about Jesus!

JOSEPH: [comforts Mary] It's alright honey, we're leaving.

WISE MAN: [exiting] You haven't seen a star around here have you?

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