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Recall Notice Written By Sherry Brandon CAST: Michael—Director Andy--Worker1 Abe--Worker2 Angie--Worker3 Andrea--Worker4 (Setting is a small “break room” area. There are three chairs and a table. The workers are dressed in “blue collar” style clothing (possibly white matching shirts and pants), but are actually angels. Andy is sitting at the table drinking from a mug and reading a Bible. Abe enters wearing a back-support work belt) ABE: Hey, Andy. ANDY: Hey, Abe. ABE: I just heard that the director wants to meet us all in here for a quick meeting in a few minutes. (sits) ANDY: (never looks up from his reading) Yeah, right. The director doesn’t know how to run a “quick” (emphasize) meeting. What’s it about? ABE: (crouches like it’s a big secret) I think it’s a recall! ANDY: (looks up astonished) A recall?? We have NEVER had a recall!! ABE: I know…can you believe it? (Angie enters with a small notepad) ANGIE: Hey, guys. Did y’all hear about the meeting, too? ANDY: Yeah, and I doubt that this is gonna be any “quick”(emphasize) meeting like the director says. (Andrea enters with a mug. Angie sees her and then sees that there is only one chair left. Both quickly go for it…Angie wins it.) ANDREA: Aw man! What’s everyone doing in the break room at 2:00? ABE: The director called a meeting. Didn’t you hear? ANDREA: Oh great, and I just wanted to take a break. After all this is the BREAK ROOM!(emphasize) ABE: Rumor has it there’s gonna be a recall. (Angie gasps and falls out of the chair, surprised. Andrea quickly sits in it.) ANGIE: A recall!!! ANDY: Yep. ANGIE: But we can’t have a recall---we’ve NEVER had a recall! ABE: Looks like we have now. (Angie gets up and sees that Andrea is sitting in her chair. After glancing around and seeing that there is no place else to sit, she sits back down on the floor, defeated. The director enters. He is dressed in more of a “business casual” look than the others but has wings. Possibly a white shirt and gold or tan vest with tan pants. Enters with five large poster board note cards and a clipboard.) DIRECTOR: Oh good, you are all here. (notices Angie on the floor) Well, Angie….would you like for someone to get you a chair? ANGIE: Nah…the weather is better down here anyway. DIRECTOR: OK. (sets down posters) Now then, I’m sure you are all wondering why I called this meeting. ANDY: Well, to be honest, the rumors are flying that there’s gonna be a recall. Is that true? DIRECTOR: Well, yes Andy, it is. (The others start whispering things like “oh no”, “why”, “that’s never happened”, etc) DIRECTOR: Shhhh….OK I realize all of your concerns. Yes, I know we have never had a recall before, but there have been some major developments recently that have called for drastic measures. You are the first group to hear about it since you are in the distribution mainstream. I have brought some visual aids that I thought would help you all in understanding the purpose of this recall. Abe, would you help me by holding these posters for me? ABE: Sure thing, boss…I mean Michael. Sorry. DIRECTOR: That’s OK, Abe. All right. The recall reads: (reads from the clipboard--slowly) Important Recall Notice: The maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. (the workers whisper again) This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code name “Adam and Eve”, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed (pulls out the first poster) 'Subsequential Internal Non-Morality,' or more commonly known as S-I-N .(There are gasps from the workers. The poster has the three words spelled out to where the S-I-N is vertical along the left side of the poster ) ABE: This is terrible! ANDREA: I never trusted that “Adam” prototype! ANDY: Adam? It was Eve that malfunctioned first! ANDREA: Cloud wash! (as if to say “hog wash”) The whole reason that Eve was manufactured was to be a major improvement upon Adam in the first place! ANDY: You’re mistaken! (gets up) ANDREA: Oh am I? (gets up) DIRECTOR: All right, that’s enough. (Andrea looks down at Angie “eyeballing” her available chair and quickly sits back down) Now, we all know that the manufacturer took just as much time in designing the Adam prototype as he did Eve. But the fact remains that they have both played a part in reproducing units with this defect. ANGIE: So Director, what sort of things does this defect cause in the human units? DIRECTOR: I’m glad you asked that Angie, as that is the very next part. ANDY: (whispers down to her) Brown-noser. (Angie gives him a dirty look) DIRECTOR: (again reading) This defect is primarily symptomized by (pulls out next poster) loss of moral judgment. Some other symptoms include: (a) Loss of direction (b) Foul vocal emissions (c) Amnesia of origin (d) Lack of peace and joy (e) Selfish or violent behavior (f) Depression or confusion in the mental component (g) Fearfulness (h) Idolatry (These symptoms are listed in bullet format down the poster with the “moral judgment” one at the top. Workers react to each of these accordingly.) ANDREA: Well, leave it to Adam! (Andy glares at her) ANGIE: How could this happen? ABE: Yeah! I know the manufacturer takes the greatest of pride in his work. DIRECTOR: Well, remember, these units were designed as “stand alone” units and weren’t supposed to require any support or maintenance from the manufacturer. This “stand alone” design allowed the units to all but self-destruct! They did it to themselves. ABE: So what now? DIRECTOR: Well, thankfully, there is still hope--that’s the next part. (reading) The manufacturer, who is neither liable or at fault for the defect, will provide factory authorized repair and service, free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The number to call for the recall station in your area is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. (Workers react happily) (pulls out the next poster) Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN by pressing R-E-P-E-N-T-A-N-C-E, (poster reads: For redemption, call P-R-A-Y-E-R. Then press R-E-P-E-N-T-A-N-C-E). ANGIE: (very emphatically) Oh, this is good stuff!!! (begins to take notes on her notepad…Andy rolls his eyes at Angie and shakes his head) DIRECTOR: This next part is the very crucial step. They must next download (pulls out next poster) J-E-S-U-S into the heart. (workers react with “oh”, “of course”, “naturally”, etc.)(poster reads: Most important step: Next download J-E-S-U-S into the heart) ABE: Of course! That should absolutely fix it! ANDY: (sees Angie violently writing and looking at the poster and crouches down closer to her and begins to spell) J-E..(Angie hits him on the leg with her notepad, and then continues writing) DIRECTOR: That’s right, Abe. No matter how …(starts to pull out another poster but stops as he sees that Angie is still writing. Everyone is now staring at her) ANGIE: (she looks up from her notes and surprised, she notices that everyone is waiting on her) OK, I’m done. DIRECTOR: (pulling out next poster) No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, the JESUS repair will replace it with: (a) Love (b) Joy (c) Peace (d) Patience (e) Gentleness (f) Goodness (g) Faith (h) Meekness (i) Temperance (the poster has these items listed) ANGIE: Aaaaah! (wide-eyed at the poster, as she sees how much there is for her write down, then furiously begins writing) ABE: (very excitedly, jumps up and points at the poster) Yeah! That’s awesome! That’s just awesome!! (Everyone looks at him. He is embarrassed and sits back down.) ANDY: (eyes wide, in unbelief at Abe’s outburst) OK. DIRECTOR: (reading) Please see the operating manual, also known as the HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes. ABE: That manual is the coolest! (Andy smiles at him and Abe looks away, not quite sure of his meaning) DIRECTOR: (reading, with emphasis) WARNING! Continuing to operate the human unit without fixes, voids the manufacture's warranty, exposing owner to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. ANDREA: Well, it all seems easy enough, so I can’t see that we would have any problems. All the units will do this. Why wouldn’t they? They have nothing to lose. ANDY: This is true. They would have to be “majorly” defective not to. You know what I mean? ABE: (to Director) But what happens if a unit DOESN’T get the patch? ANGIE: Yeah, what happens then? DIRECTOR: That is a good question. The answer isn’t pleasant, but you all need to know. The human units not receiving this recall action will have to be…(pulls out last poster reading: DANGER! And underneath it a picture of Hell)… scrapped into the furnace. (All workers gasp or scream in horror and all fall over and out of their chairs, fainting on the floor. The director hangs his head. Fade out.) (back to the scripts page)